The Level of Friendship

Is there anyone without friends? I doubt it. As idealistic as it may seem, I think it is a fact that everyone’s got at least one person they would call a friend on earth. Only in the rarest of rare cases we night find someone who is left out all alone.

Also, there is a vast gap between the number of people we call friends and the number of people who “really” are our friends. This brings us to what caused me to start this in the first place…it is what I call the various levels in friendship. This is based on what I have seen so far in my life.

First, there are people who should not be called friends (in the strict sense of the word). I get to know a lot of people at work or elsewhere… I know them well enough to say a “hi” but nothing beyond that. I would not be sharing a lot about myself with such people…still I would be able to spend a lot of time with them laughing and joking, and most of the conversations would be at the superficial level. Many of them would not know more than, say, 5% about me. Most of my friends would be in this category. I would not share my deepest thoughts with them. I would not expect them to see the world from my perspective.

Then I have the colleagues and others with whom I may share a little more…often they would be people working with me at the same level, in at a closer range facilitating a lot of chit-chat….probably I would share some part of my life and get to know more about them as well. All the same, I would not be sharing my innermost secrets and thoughts. They would be along with me as long as I am around. But once our ways part, we would be loosing touch and that would be the end of that so-called “friendship”. Say for example, I had a friend in college. Even now if I go to college, am sure our lecturers would ask about her. Coz we were going around the place together all the time…we had a lot of things in common. But, think our way of looking at things, and life at large was different. Still it wasn’t an irritant at that time. Then we finished college and went to work in different places. And that was the end. I didn’t hear from her for a long time and then there was this mail from her about her getting married. Went for her wedding too…after that the silence returned. I’ve had a similar experience with a friend in my previous workplace. We were pretty good buddies in the sense that we would share all our work problems, sit together and make fun of everybody else, etc. we did have a wonderful time there. I thought it was a lasting friendship. But then, once I quit, communication failed. I used to call often, but then she never called back. When I call she would talk as if we had been talking every other day. But she would never take the initiative to call. First I thought I should not be egoistic but as time went by, I realized the hard way that I should stop and let her call. That was the end of that friendship and I do not expect it to revive in future. These are people with whom I have shared a good deal of my life, but all the same, I need to be prepared for the end of such a friendship.

The next category is the friends with whom the relationship seems real strong, as I would say anything to each other and we would talk about everything. They are the people I miss in my life. They came in to my life when I needed them and now are busy with their own lives. People who do not completely ignore nor can afford to find the time to keep in touch. These are people who could see the world the way I see it and understand why I say what am saying. I can expect them to give their honest opinions and also think, they would be honest with me too. But this does not mean, they would find all the time for me. This does not mean they would always be there when I need someone to help me out.

Finally, we have the rarest of the rare. The real treasure and most prized in my list of friends. They are people who would know a lot about me, they would be the ones who would share a lot with me as well. They are the ones I treasure and I would turn to when I need someone. They are the ones am proud to have on my list of friends, and this list is too short. There are very few who would be in this category, and the list isn’t very stable. The reason is that people who are in this category often move out to the previous category. That is one think that hurts and also leaves a question hanging in the air: “will anyone ever be as concerned as I am about my friends?”

There are people who seemed to have made it to this list only to fall out a few weeks or months later. There are people who seemed to share a lot with me and a few weeks or months later they would be trying to turn the conversation to an intimate level not fit for a good friendship. They would end up talking crap after some time, so they go out to my list of people with whom am disappointed. They are people who had hidden their real purpose for a long time. This category is what hits me hard. It is quite painful when I realize that I had been talking with my heart and soul to someone who wasn’t really tuned in or worse, was tuning in so that they could turn me to other topics.

For me, it seems as if having a good friend for life is one of the toughest things on earth. Yes, I started off with a disadvantage, coz I have no childhood buddies coz we were always moving from place to place. By the time I find a god friend, it would be time to move again. Yes, we were pen pals for a few years. But it didn’t last for long. Wonder if I would ever get a good pal, someone other than my hubby who would be my best friend on earth. I dare not be too optimistic about it, coz the last thing I want is to have my expectations fail yet again.