In spite of all the wonderful things said about friendship, am not all that sure if friendship could mean so much and more. There is so much said about friendship and most of it is be positive. But, going by a number of friendships I would say, it is not so positive at all. Most of the friendships are like contracts made for the convenience or to serve a particular purpose for one or the other. How many friends last over the long term? How many of them are concerned about the other?
There are a variety of friends I have had so far. And, regrettably, most of them haven’t lasted for more than a few years. I have no idea if there is anything wrong with the way I treat each friend or if I am expecting too much. The most painful thing is how the friendship disintegrates as days go by.
When I was in school, I never expected myself to have close friends. I wasn’t chatterbox, but I would be on good terms with everyone in my class. Once or twice I came close to making good friends, but just as we were getting to know each other it would be time for me to shift to another school and start all over again in a new place thanks to my dad’s job transfer.
In particular, there were these 2 friends of mine in Palayamkottai. We were there in the same class for 3 years, but only in the third year we became good friends. That summer was the first time I went around with friends. We went around to our friends’ homes and the nest day I fell sick. Dad said it was a heat stroke. This was in May 1994. That June we shifted to Tenkasi. Even after that we dint loose touch for a few years, coz we were writing mails all the time, the old-fashioned snail mail. But, after a few years, letters became less frequent and finally stopped forever.
I had a friend in the next school, but we weren’t all that close to each other. Yes, we were closer to each other than to the rest of the class, but it wasn’t the kind of friendship that would last for long. In fact, we became friends because we were the 2 tallest girls in class and just the 2 of us were in the last row. Once I shifted to Chennai we were writing for a while, and within a year that stopped.
In Chennai when I joined in the 11th standard, I was part of a gang of 10. Except myself, the rest of them were from the same school. Even though we were in different sections and had taken different majors (computer science, biology, commerce), we would always make it together for lunch. In the next year, I got a close friend from one among the group. The two of us had a lot of things common in the way we saw how things should be and the like. Both of us were in the school council and we used to walk home together. we went to different colleges and that was a time when we lost contact. But after 5 years, when she came back to Chennai, we got back in touch with each other. Though we are not really writing in everyday, I think she is one treasure of a friend.
In college, first we were a group of 4, then it became 3, and then 2. but after we finished college, I realized (with a sad heart) that even the one wasn’t for a long-term friendship. But in the loss of one, I gained another. We were not considered thick friends as long as we were in college. Now she is the first person to come to my mind, if I were to think of my college life.
Even after that, I’ve had a number of friends who would spend time with me as long as I am around. Once I shift to another place it is “out of sight and out of mind”.
Well, so far I at least had a reason. But, nowadays I cant find a single reason as to why people quit talking all of a sudden. It is an unsolved puzzle as to why people should mail or message me and then after a few weeks quit on me. The only thing that I have observed so far is that there are quite a number of guys who are seeking something more than friendship. Once they realize that I am not a person who would give them the sexy talk, they quit. But there are others who say they are busy these days. I wonder why they take the trouble of making friends if they are not going to have the time for friends. They would talk and chat as long as they have nothing better to do, which may be for a few weeks. Once they get busy at work or get occupied with other things, they wouldn’t bother to write in a single line. This would be from people who had written in saying they are looking for a long time friend.
As I sit here today, I feel friendship is just one of those umpteen things we come across in life. People would stay with me as long as they can see some use for this friendship. After that they would throw this friendship away and probably create a new one. Every so called friendship would last only for a while, and it would be nothing but a broken heart and disappointment if I were to expect anything more out of it.
