The Level of Friendship

Is there anyone without friends? I doubt it. As idealistic as it may seem, I think it is a fact that everyone’s got at least one person they would call a friend on earth. Only in the rarest of rare cases we night find someone who is left out all alone.

Also, there is a vast gap between the number of people we call friends and the number of people who “really” are our friends. This brings us to what caused me to start this in the first place…it is what I call the various levels in friendship. This is based on what I have seen so far in my life.

First, there are people who should not be called friends (in the strict sense of the word). I get to know a lot of people at work or elsewhere… I know them well enough to say a “hi” but nothing beyond that. I would not be sharing a lot about myself with such people…still I would be able to spend a lot of time with them laughing and joking, and most of the conversations would be at the superficial level. Many of them would not know more than, say, 5% about me. Most of my friends would be in this category. I would not share my deepest thoughts with them. I would not expect them to see the world from my perspective.

Then I have the colleagues and others with whom I may share a little more…often they would be people working with me at the same level, in at a closer range facilitating a lot of chit-chat….probably I would share some part of my life and get to know more about them as well. All the same, I would not be sharing my innermost secrets and thoughts. They would be along with me as long as I am around. But once our ways part, we would be loosing touch and that would be the end of that so-called “friendship”. Say for example, I had a friend in college. Even now if I go to college, am sure our lecturers would ask about her. Coz we were going around the place together all the time…we had a lot of things in common. But, think our way of looking at things, and life at large was different. Still it wasn’t an irritant at that time. Then we finished college and went to work in different places. And that was the end. I didn’t hear from her for a long time and then there was this mail from her about her getting married. Went for her wedding too…after that the silence returned. I’ve had a similar experience with a friend in my previous workplace. We were pretty good buddies in the sense that we would share all our work problems, sit together and make fun of everybody else, etc. we did have a wonderful time there. I thought it was a lasting friendship. But then, once I quit, communication failed. I used to call often, but then she never called back. When I call she would talk as if we had been talking every other day. But she would never take the initiative to call. First I thought I should not be egoistic but as time went by, I realized the hard way that I should stop and let her call. That was the end of that friendship and I do not expect it to revive in future. These are people with whom I have shared a good deal of my life, but all the same, I need to be prepared for the end of such a friendship.

The next category is the friends with whom the relationship seems real strong, as I would say anything to each other and we would talk about everything. They are the people I miss in my life. They came in to my life when I needed them and now are busy with their own lives. People who do not completely ignore nor can afford to find the time to keep in touch. These are people who could see the world the way I see it and understand why I say what am saying. I can expect them to give their honest opinions and also think, they would be honest with me too. But this does not mean, they would find all the time for me. This does not mean they would always be there when I need someone to help me out.

Finally, we have the rarest of the rare. The real treasure and most prized in my list of friends. They are people who would know a lot about me, they would be the ones who would share a lot with me as well. They are the ones I treasure and I would turn to when I need someone. They are the ones am proud to have on my list of friends, and this list is too short. There are very few who would be in this category, and the list isn’t very stable. The reason is that people who are in this category often move out to the previous category. That is one think that hurts and also leaves a question hanging in the air: “will anyone ever be as concerned as I am about my friends?”

There are people who seemed to have made it to this list only to fall out a few weeks or months later. There are people who seemed to share a lot with me and a few weeks or months later they would be trying to turn the conversation to an intimate level not fit for a good friendship. They would end up talking crap after some time, so they go out to my list of people with whom am disappointed. They are people who had hidden their real purpose for a long time. This category is what hits me hard. It is quite painful when I realize that I had been talking with my heart and soul to someone who wasn’t really tuned in or worse, was tuning in so that they could turn me to other topics.

For me, it seems as if having a good friend for life is one of the toughest things on earth. Yes, I started off with a disadvantage, coz I have no childhood buddies coz we were always moving from place to place. By the time I find a god friend, it would be time to move again. Yes, we were pen pals for a few years. But it didn’t last for long. Wonder if I would ever get a good pal, someone other than my hubby who would be my best friend on earth. I dare not be too optimistic about it, coz the last thing I want is to have my expectations fail yet again.

Talking about Talking

By nature, I wasn’t a talkative person. As a child I had neighbors tell me that I should talk more if I wanted to survive…am sure I would be giving them a shock if they see me talking now…the reason, I am talking more than ever before. One main reason is that in my workplace, there is a great emphasis on communication. Add to that the fact that some people confuse plain talk and communication, we are encouraged to talk, in the name of “communication”. In fact, my first performance review here, had one remark in this aspect. It was that I should be more vocal in the team, and more vocal I am.

In spite of this, there are times when I can't get myself talk to certain people. I don’t know what stops me. I am not able to find a reason. I am really clueless. But there are people with whom I find it highly impossible to hold a decent conversation.

There was this person here in one of our teams, and the job flow was such that I would have to interact with him (he was one among ~40 people in the teams I was working with). Since the day I joined, I wasn’t able to say a word to this person. Not even wish for courtesy sake…if we were working on a document, all that I would say would be perfect official talk regarding the document…as days went by, I got to realize that he wasn’t a good character, both on the job and out of it….he would talk crap and his work would not be of good quality. In spite of the kind of work he was doing, he would talk as if he was the best in town.

Almost a year later, I found another friend who said she had a similar feeling toward him. I was surprised. Till then, I had thought that it was some sort of a premonition that I had…something that forewarned me about his nature….but to find this in another person? We could only assure each other that we were not alone in this issue. Finally, he was laid off due to misconduct.

This is not the only incident. It is one among the many. There are a number of times, when I talk to someone and feel that person is not honest with me…in fact, nowadays if I feel the same way as I felt when I saw this fellow for the first time, I take it as a warning sign.

All the same, I have to admit that this doesn’t work all the time….

There are others who become my friends, these are people with whom I would feel comfortable…. There are some among this group of friends, a select few with whom I could talk about anything and everything. There is a friend who stands out in this respect. He mailed me once, I ignored the mail. Then he mailed again and I replied. Think we chatted just once and then we were talking on the phone and we were sharing so much of our lives uncensored… There is this particular day that would remain in my memory… That night we started talking and we stopped only when he fell asleep early in the morning…that was the amount we spoke and all along we were talking about everything we could think of…a wide range of topics…

Again, I have no idea why we spoke so much. We were strangers to each other just a few moments ago…and then here we are chatting away as if we had known each other for a lifetime…and in recent times there is this friend to whom I send a Long mail everyday and I receive an equally long one…

What makes me be so open with him? Well, what makes me talk? I have no idea

Do I know you?

We trust a person when we think we know a person….but have you ever wondered, if you really know that person? When you think you really know a person, do you ever wonder “Is what I know just a small part of that person’s life? Or is it all that I have to know?” how do you come to a conclusion. There is no way to find a conclusion. All that you can do, is to trust your instincts and hope that what you think is right….
Why I think of this….let me explain…people often think they know all about a person …they think they know the person’s character, their habits and even what the person takes for food…but that isn’t true in most of the cases….
For example, a person in office thinks I don’t take rice at all. You know why? Because I hardly bring rice to office….my staple meal in office is cereals or oats….so, am known as someone who doesn’t eat rice…that is in spite of my protests….they think I am dieting….only I know how far is dieting from me…I have no proper diet…I eat what I like, when I like, as much as I like….
At home, my dad says, am a quiet girl…my friends in MSc class say the same thing….but you ask my friends in office…they would give a different picture…they would say am a smiley, a person who can joke and laugh a lot….mind you, even this you would get only from my friends….colleagues would say am a quiet person…
Now, they are just examples….here, you have one person…at times I feel like talking and other times I feel like keeping my mouth shut…but depending on what they see, people have a picture of me in their mind…and they think they know me….But they don’t…
There are times when I wonder if I really know about a person….i am always aware that it is highly possible for me to know just a wee bit about a person, even if I spend years with him or her….
We think we know a person and that is exactly what it is…it is just a “thought”….no one would ever know if you really know someone….

The Beginning!

Well, my friend said am a thinker and I too think am a thinker…here are some of what runs or should I say races through my mind….the primary audience to this is just one person…and that person knows it…:)
Here’s my blog for you, my dear friend….

and as i was thinking of an apt phrase to put in there....remembered this song of John Lennon....so, here we go....

Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I’m a dreamer,
but I am not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.