Mother and son

When the tsunami struck, a mother and her two young sons were caught in the swelling waters. As tsunami ravaged the area, she realized that she could not stay above water holding both her sons. She was left with a tough choice – she had to decide which one to keep and which one to let go – she could hold only one child against the waters. She decided to keep the younger child and let go of the other son. Another woman nearby tried to hold this boy above water, but she too had to let go after she started going under.
The mother had braced herself for the loss of her son, but she had a pleasant surprise. The son was found later clinging to a door, alive and well except for a few bruises and a gash in his leg. It isn’t hard to think of the difficult situation the mother had to face. We would never want to find ourselves in such a situation.
What about the son? What did her think when his mother let him go with the water? Did he think she loved the younger one more? How did he feel when he got back to his mother? Did he realize the tough choice she had to make or did he think she didn’t love him enough?
The mother will have a tougher task ahead of her, convincing her son that she loves him too. I wonder how she would cope with her own and the child’s trauma. I pray and hope for the child to be out of this trauma and lead a normal life. What really comes out of it, I may never know.
Am I thinking too much? Can’t help it.

The day the calm and beautiful sea boiled over

December 26 was a day that redefined life for millions of people. It was a day in which people, not just those directly affected, realized the volatile nature of life on earth. It was the day in which many of our ideas on life and the nature of the sea changed forever. For most of us, the beach is the favorite hangout and there could be nothing more splendid than the sea.
Approx 10 minutes was all that it took for this change and the cause was the tsunami that ravaged the coasts of a number of Southeast Asian countries including our coast. The body count is rising by the tens of thousands each passing day. Today it was 1.75 lakhs (175,000) and it has come so far from the initial estimate of 10,000 which now, pales in comparison. Obviously nobody had expected so much damage to be caused thousands of miles away from the epicenter.
We rarely get to see the violent side of the sea, hence it came as a surprise to a large number of people along the coast, they had not recognized the earning signs hidden in the receding sea. On Monday morning we woke up to the news of mild tremors and nobody expected the sea to surge and cause havoc hours later.
Initially, we got to hear about the number of hamlets completely washed out without a single surviving member and of people loosing most of their family members and their belongings too. Today, there were brighter stories – an entire village saved because a voluntary worker who had worked in the village earlier was in Singapore that fateful day and had called to warn the villagers on hearing the warning posted in Singapore; another hamlet was saved because a new stream was found in the vicinity and the entire village was out there at the stream; yet another village was saved because according to their folklore, the receding sea would always return with force; a young girl had saved the lives of a number of people by recognizing the warning in the receding sea. Unfortunately, such instances are few and far between. For the majority of the people, it had been as though the sea had pulled off a nasty surprise and they hadn’t found enough time to move away to higher ground. There are so many pictures these days, of people standing on the shore watching the receding tide only to find, moments later, a wall of water coming at them.
Why such a large-scale destruction? What is its significance in the larger scheme of life? How would these people cope with it – especially the fisher folk who will have to go back to the sea?

Accident prone zone

This afternoon I was on my to office. It was going as usual, and we were traveling in the Maruti Omni to office. I was reading “Code to Zero” all the way. That is how I keep myself occupied throughout the journey that last just about an hour… It was almost the end of the journey as we were coming along the SP road. I looked up and a signpost caught my eyes. it was that of a skull and 2 bones, the typical danger signal. Though I have traveled that way everyday to work, I hadn’t noticed it. Even as I was wondering why it was there, I found the next post that said, “Accident prone zone” and I said to myself “probably this is the reason”. Not a second had passed after that thought crossed my mind, I found a mini-tempo fallen on the other side of the median. Just moments ago, there had been an accident, and even as we passed by, they were carrying the driver’s body to the pavement.

I was shocked and sat there trying to collect my thoughts. Only after we had gone quite a distance, I realized that I had been one of those passengers who had passed an accident site without doing anything.

Yes, there were people already helping him. Not sure if they could help him anymore or if he was no more. Still, it came as a sickening thought, that I dint have the presence of mind to do anything, whatsoever.

This has been the overriding thought for the rest of the day and I was praying for the presence of mind is such situations. I have found myself praying for that man and his family. I have found myself wondering about the man and his family, about how he would have left home this morning and how everyone around would have expected him home in the evening or late night.

We rarely wonder about these things, do we? When we set out, we assume that we would be home safe. But, will we?

I shall place my life in my Lord’s hands and have a peaceful sleep tonight. Let me take one day at a time.

The Level of Friendship

Is there anyone without friends? I doubt it. As idealistic as it may seem, I think it is a fact that everyone’s got at least one person they would call a friend on earth. Only in the rarest of rare cases we night find someone who is left out all alone.

Also, there is a vast gap between the number of people we call friends and the number of people who “really” are our friends. This brings us to what caused me to start this in the first place…it is what I call the various levels in friendship. This is based on what I have seen so far in my life.

First, there are people who should not be called friends (in the strict sense of the word). I get to know a lot of people at work or elsewhere… I know them well enough to say a “hi” but nothing beyond that. I would not be sharing a lot about myself with such people…still I would be able to spend a lot of time with them laughing and joking, and most of the conversations would be at the superficial level. Many of them would not know more than, say, 5% about me. Most of my friends would be in this category. I would not share my deepest thoughts with them. I would not expect them to see the world from my perspective.

Then I have the colleagues and others with whom I may share a little more…often they would be people working with me at the same level, in at a closer range facilitating a lot of chit-chat….probably I would share some part of my life and get to know more about them as well. All the same, I would not be sharing my innermost secrets and thoughts. They would be along with me as long as I am around. But once our ways part, we would be loosing touch and that would be the end of that so-called “friendship”. Say for example, I had a friend in college. Even now if I go to college, am sure our lecturers would ask about her. Coz we were going around the place together all the time…we had a lot of things in common. But, think our way of looking at things, and life at large was different. Still it wasn’t an irritant at that time. Then we finished college and went to work in different places. And that was the end. I didn’t hear from her for a long time and then there was this mail from her about her getting married. Went for her wedding too…after that the silence returned. I’ve had a similar experience with a friend in my previous workplace. We were pretty good buddies in the sense that we would share all our work problems, sit together and make fun of everybody else, etc. we did have a wonderful time there. I thought it was a lasting friendship. But then, once I quit, communication failed. I used to call often, but then she never called back. When I call she would talk as if we had been talking every other day. But she would never take the initiative to call. First I thought I should not be egoistic but as time went by, I realized the hard way that I should stop and let her call. That was the end of that friendship and I do not expect it to revive in future. These are people with whom I have shared a good deal of my life, but all the same, I need to be prepared for the end of such a friendship.

The next category is the friends with whom the relationship seems real strong, as I would say anything to each other and we would talk about everything. They are the people I miss in my life. They came in to my life when I needed them and now are busy with their own lives. People who do not completely ignore nor can afford to find the time to keep in touch. These are people who could see the world the way I see it and understand why I say what am saying. I can expect them to give their honest opinions and also think, they would be honest with me too. But this does not mean, they would find all the time for me. This does not mean they would always be there when I need someone to help me out.

Finally, we have the rarest of the rare. The real treasure and most prized in my list of friends. They are people who would know a lot about me, they would be the ones who would share a lot with me as well. They are the ones I treasure and I would turn to when I need someone. They are the ones am proud to have on my list of friends, and this list is too short. There are very few who would be in this category, and the list isn’t very stable. The reason is that people who are in this category often move out to the previous category. That is one think that hurts and also leaves a question hanging in the air: “will anyone ever be as concerned as I am about my friends?”

There are people who seemed to have made it to this list only to fall out a few weeks or months later. There are people who seemed to share a lot with me and a few weeks or months later they would be trying to turn the conversation to an intimate level not fit for a good friendship. They would end up talking crap after some time, so they go out to my list of people with whom am disappointed. They are people who had hidden their real purpose for a long time. This category is what hits me hard. It is quite painful when I realize that I had been talking with my heart and soul to someone who wasn’t really tuned in or worse, was tuning in so that they could turn me to other topics.

For me, it seems as if having a good friend for life is one of the toughest things on earth. Yes, I started off with a disadvantage, coz I have no childhood buddies coz we were always moving from place to place. By the time I find a god friend, it would be time to move again. Yes, we were pen pals for a few years. But it didn’t last for long. Wonder if I would ever get a good pal, someone other than my hubby who would be my best friend on earth. I dare not be too optimistic about it, coz the last thing I want is to have my expectations fail yet again.

Talking about Talking

By nature, I wasn’t a talkative person. As a child I had neighbors tell me that I should talk more if I wanted to survive…am sure I would be giving them a shock if they see me talking now…the reason, I am talking more than ever before. One main reason is that in my workplace, there is a great emphasis on communication. Add to that the fact that some people confuse plain talk and communication, we are encouraged to talk, in the name of “communication”. In fact, my first performance review here, had one remark in this aspect. It was that I should be more vocal in the team, and more vocal I am.

In spite of this, there are times when I can't get myself talk to certain people. I don’t know what stops me. I am not able to find a reason. I am really clueless. But there are people with whom I find it highly impossible to hold a decent conversation.

There was this person here in one of our teams, and the job flow was such that I would have to interact with him (he was one among ~40 people in the teams I was working with). Since the day I joined, I wasn’t able to say a word to this person. Not even wish for courtesy sake…if we were working on a document, all that I would say would be perfect official talk regarding the document…as days went by, I got to realize that he wasn’t a good character, both on the job and out of it….he would talk crap and his work would not be of good quality. In spite of the kind of work he was doing, he would talk as if he was the best in town.

Almost a year later, I found another friend who said she had a similar feeling toward him. I was surprised. Till then, I had thought that it was some sort of a premonition that I had…something that forewarned me about his nature….but to find this in another person? We could only assure each other that we were not alone in this issue. Finally, he was laid off due to misconduct.

This is not the only incident. It is one among the many. There are a number of times, when I talk to someone and feel that person is not honest with me…in fact, nowadays if I feel the same way as I felt when I saw this fellow for the first time, I take it as a warning sign.

All the same, I have to admit that this doesn’t work all the time….

There are others who become my friends, these are people with whom I would feel comfortable…. There are some among this group of friends, a select few with whom I could talk about anything and everything. There is a friend who stands out in this respect. He mailed me once, I ignored the mail. Then he mailed again and I replied. Think we chatted just once and then we were talking on the phone and we were sharing so much of our lives uncensored… There is this particular day that would remain in my memory… That night we started talking and we stopped only when he fell asleep early in the morning…that was the amount we spoke and all along we were talking about everything we could think of…a wide range of topics…

Again, I have no idea why we spoke so much. We were strangers to each other just a few moments ago…and then here we are chatting away as if we had known each other for a lifetime…and in recent times there is this friend to whom I send a Long mail everyday and I receive an equally long one…

What makes me be so open with him? Well, what makes me talk? I have no idea

Do I know you?

We trust a person when we think we know a person….but have you ever wondered, if you really know that person? When you think you really know a person, do you ever wonder “Is what I know just a small part of that person’s life? Or is it all that I have to know?” how do you come to a conclusion. There is no way to find a conclusion. All that you can do, is to trust your instincts and hope that what you think is right….
Why I think of this….let me explain…people often think they know all about a person …they think they know the person’s character, their habits and even what the person takes for food…but that isn’t true in most of the cases….
For example, a person in office thinks I don’t take rice at all. You know why? Because I hardly bring rice to office….my staple meal in office is cereals or oats….so, am known as someone who doesn’t eat rice…that is in spite of my protests….they think I am dieting….only I know how far is dieting from me…I have no proper diet…I eat what I like, when I like, as much as I like….
At home, my dad says, am a quiet girl…my friends in MSc class say the same thing….but you ask my friends in office…they would give a different picture…they would say am a smiley, a person who can joke and laugh a lot….mind you, even this you would get only from my friends….colleagues would say am a quiet person…
Now, they are just examples….here, you have one person…at times I feel like talking and other times I feel like keeping my mouth shut…but depending on what they see, people have a picture of me in their mind…and they think they know me….But they don’t…
There are times when I wonder if I really know about a person….i am always aware that it is highly possible for me to know just a wee bit about a person, even if I spend years with him or her….
We think we know a person and that is exactly what it is…it is just a “thought”….no one would ever know if you really know someone….

The Beginning!

Well, my friend said am a thinker and I too think am a thinker…here are some of what runs or should I say races through my mind….the primary audience to this is just one person…and that person knows it…:)
Here’s my blog for you, my dear friend….

and as i was thinking of an apt phrase to put in there....remembered this song of John Lennon....so, here we go....

Imagine

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I’m a dreamer,
but I am not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

A Farce

In spite of all the wonderful things said about friendship, am not all that sure if friendship could mean so much and more. There is so much said about friendship and most of it is be positive. But, going by a number of friendships I would say, it is not so positive at all. Most of the friendships are like contracts made for the convenience or to serve a particular purpose for one or the other. How many friends last over the long term? How many of them are concerned about the other?
There are a variety of friends I have had so far. And, regrettably, most of them haven’t lasted for more than a few years. I have no idea if there is anything wrong with the way I treat each friend or if I am expecting too much. The most painful thing is how the friendship disintegrates as days go by.
When I was in school, I never expected myself to have close friends. I wasn’t chatterbox, but I would be on good terms with everyone in my class. Once or twice I came close to making good friends, but just as we were getting to know each other it would be time for me to shift to another school and start all over again in a new place thanks to my dad’s job transfer.
In particular, there were these 2 friends of mine in Palayamkottai. We were there in the same class for 3 years, but only in the third year we became good friends. That summer was the first time I went around with friends. We went around to our friends’ homes and the nest day I fell sick. Dad said it was a heat stroke. This was in May 1994. That June we shifted to Tenkasi. Even after that we dint loose touch for a few years, coz we were writing mails all the time, the old-fashioned snail mail. But, after a few years, letters became less frequent and finally stopped forever.
I had a friend in the next school, but we weren’t all that close to each other. Yes, we were closer to each other than to the rest of the class, but it wasn’t the kind of friendship that would last for long. In fact, we became friends because we were the 2 tallest girls in class and just the 2 of us were in the last row. Once I shifted to Chennai we were writing for a while, and within a year that stopped.
In Chennai when I joined in the 11th standard, I was part of a gang of 10. Except myself, the rest of them were from the same school. Even though we were in different sections and had taken different majors (computer science, biology, commerce), we would always make it together for lunch. In the next year, I got a close friend from one among the group. The two of us had a lot of things common in the way we saw how things should be and the like. Both of us were in the school council and we used to walk home together. we went to different colleges and that was a time when we lost contact. But after 5 years, when she came back to Chennai, we got back in touch with each other. Though we are not really writing in everyday, I think she is one treasure of a friend.
In college, first we were a group of 4, then it became 3, and then 2. but after we finished college, I realized (with a sad heart) that even the one wasn’t for a long-term friendship. But in the loss of one, I gained another. We were not considered thick friends as long as we were in college. Now she is the first person to come to my mind, if I were to think of my college life.
Even after that, I’ve had a number of friends who would spend time with me as long as I am around. Once I shift to another place it is “out of sight and out of mind”.
Well, so far I at least had a reason. But, nowadays I cant find a single reason as to why people quit talking all of a sudden. It is an unsolved puzzle as to why people should mail or message me and then after a few weeks quit on me. The only thing that I have observed so far is that there are quite a number of guys who are seeking something more than friendship. Once they realize that I am not a person who would give them the sexy talk, they quit. But there are others who say they are busy these days. I wonder why they take the trouble of making friends if they are not going to have the time for friends. They would talk and chat as long as they have nothing better to do, which may be for a few weeks. Once they get busy at work or get occupied with other things, they wouldn’t bother to write in a single line. This would be from people who had written in saying they are looking for a long time friend.
As I sit here today, I feel friendship is just one of those umpteen things we come across in life. People would stay with me as long as they can see some use for this friendship. After that they would throw this friendship away and probably create a new one. Every so called friendship would last only for a while, and it would be nothing but a broken heart and disappointment if I were to expect anything more out of it.